Journal Entry – May 8th
Well, another week has gone by and I still haven’t mustered up the courage to confront Shelly. I just don’t know what my problem is.
I get my mind set to tell her, and then my stomach knots up, and I can feel my heart pounding in the side of my head. It’s almost like that feeling you get when you start to walk down a dark alley and all of a sudden the hairs stand up on the back of your neck – you just know something’s wrong and not to go down the alley.
I saw Shelly sitting there reading her chemistry notes in the shade, underneath the branches of the old oak tree. She looked so pretty with a flower stuck in her hair, the stem tucked neatly behind her left ear. I clenched my fists and told myself “This is going to happen today.”
Just then she looked over the top of her notes and saw me standing there, I lost my nerve. I think she could sense that something was bothering me. I just lied and told her I was just sweating over a test that I hadn’t studied for. Shelly smiled and told me not to worry; reminding me the state fair is coming in a couple of weeks. She said the best way to get over something you’re afraid of doing is to plan something fun to do later and focus on that. I teased her and asked if something was bothering her and if that’s why she brought it up – she didn’t answer.
I gave her a quick kiss and she smiled. I love when she does that.
When I got home I kicked myself for not telling Shelly but I couldn’t help feeling like there was something else going on with her. She seemed sort of restrained as well, not her usual self.
I know this seems to be dragging on and I definitely feel like I’m rambling, but this confusion as to what to do is eating me alive. It’s day and night, night and day, when I eat, when I sleep, when I shower… everything. At this rate I might have a heart attack before I ever get the balls to ask her what’s up. Everyone is weird in some way or another. How bad could it be?
So, come hell or high water, tomorrow is the day that I man up. I know she likes me, so why should this matter? Damn, I wish I could sleep…
Artwork by Mario Teodosio