Dear Sarah (Diary Entry No. 7)

Dear Sarah,

I am still confused by everything and things just keep getting more complicated.  The more time Sammy’s around me, the more I feel like I’m losing control.  There was a time when I would have done just about anything for or with her. Not now.

Don’t get me wrong, she can’t control me like normal boys.  My mom always tells me I’m not exactly a herd beast even though I feel like it sometimes. No, what I am talking about here is just good old-fashioned infatuation.  She keeps me on the hook, and she keeps surprising me.  I forgot how thoughtful she could be.

For instance: Sammy showed up at my house in the middle of the night a couple of days ago, and she was toting Tim of all people, along behind her, on a leash!  She said she ran into him at the gas station, and (of course) he came on to her, like the sleazy worm he is.  I guess she found out about the recent incident on campus, and she never forgot how much I loathed him in high school.

“I brought you a present,” She said in her sweetest, I’m so sweet and innocent, tone. Now, I’ve seen Sammy mesmerize someone before, and it’s usually very temporary and often unpredictable. Strong willed men with enough self-control, who know their mind, don’t fall for Sammy so quickly. Not Tim.  He was utterly helpless under her spell and drooled on her foot at one point! How he’s still alive is anyone’s guess.

She sat on the corner of my bed with Tim at her feet, and we nervously chatted for a few minutes.  I could tell she was feeling me out, trying to decide what, or how, our relationship would be, now that she was back.  I wanted to tell her I didn’t want to pick up where she had left off, even if Brendan wasn’t with me.  

I wanted to, but I couldn’t.  I just let the conversation stroll along, like a long walk on the beach, holding hands.  It was innocent yet the undercurrents were there, waiting for me to slip and drag me down.  

For the first time in his life, Tim was useful. A strand of spit creeped out from the edge his mouth and stretched down to Sammy’s foot. Talk about a turn-off! It was so gross and that expression on Sammy’s face, when it trickled between her toes, had me rolling. Sammy stormed off into the night, Tim in tow.

I managed to survive the night, but Sammy was just getting started. 

Sammy surprised me again.  Well, okay.  I wasn’t surprised, just a little hurt (and pissed), but not surprised. The next night I was with Brendan grabbing some burgers. When I came back from the bathroom, I saw Sammy there, staring at him. She had ‘that look’ on her face.  It was the same look she has right before she did something bad, or naughty, maybe both.  Kind of like the lust filled gaze you’d see on the face of a chocoholic faced with a double-Dutch chocolate, chocolate chunk, cake.  I could almost hear her thinking “yummy!”

She was looking at Brendan!  MY Brendan.

A quick glance in my direction and she left. Not a word.

I was distracted all the way home. I don’t believe Sammy would try anything with Brendan. I didn’t tell her how I feel, but I hope she knows he’s off limits. Brendan probably has enough will power to be safe but I’d better tell her soon.

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